Great Lessons in Parenting – 5th Lesson



Lesson 5 – How we deal with Tantrum…???

Recently we got introduced to a new family deciding to homeschool their children. The lady of the house, Aastha and I got connected over email via one of our friends, Mr. Gerald Elvey. In the process of discussing the pros and cons of homeschooling our children, we explained our own experience with Aarohi and how we are going about homeschooling her. We also shared our blog with her which explores all the aspects of our lives that have changed since the arrival of our darling daughter. One of the important things to note about homeschooling is that it doesn’t only involve schooling our child, but encompasses the whole gamut of parenting and education at home. So, our discussions covered various topics about schooling as well as parenting our children. During one of these discussions, Aastha asked us about how we dealt with Aarohi throwing a tantrum over little things and being adamant about everything. Below you can read the exchange and get an idea about how we react in such situations. It turned out to be a rather interesting conversation discussing not only tantrum but the very difficult decision of going ahead with homeschooling:

Aastha’s mail:

I had yet another query and thought of asking you both.
How do you handle tantrums/ rude behaviour/ the NOs for almost everything? She doesn’t throw too many tantrums, but when she does I feel very upset. As if I m failing somewhere.
Do you follow a routine? Asking this because I don’t, I just go according to her ques. But the internet is flooded with routines that homeschoolers follow.
I am bombarded with questions, advice, and judgements on how I m playing with her future by not enrolling her in a regular school.
I think I need some reassurance from the experienced!
Thanks a ton!
Best regards,

Our reply:

Hi Aastha,
Well, there really is no one formula for dealing with tantrums. The best way that works for Aarohi is that we get out of her space when she gets grumpy. Snehal does try to resolve the situation by trying to talk to her. But we soon realized that she is not even listening to a word we say when she’s throwing a tantrum. Over the years we saw that she would go into the other room when she would get angry. So, for us, this became the solution. Whenever she’s lost it, we ask her to go into the other room and leave her alone for some time. Soon enough she cools off and comes back to us as if nothing ever happened.
There is no point in discussing things when tempers are flying all around the house. Voices are raised but no one is listening. Let me assure you, you are not failing, happens with every kid. Just give them their space and let them come back to you. They do always come back to you and you must, without fail, welcome them back with open arms. This also builds a trust system between you and your kid. They grow up knowing that even if everything goes wrong between you guys, whenever they want to, they can forget everything and come back to you.  Also, let me caution you, this approach worked with Aarohi and may not turn out the same way with your child. You may try it and be patient to see if it works. But if it doesn’t do try something else.
On your question of how we are homeschooling Aarohi, We’ve written a number of articles in our blog, section Great Schooling  about what inspired us and how we are going about doing it. We are essentially unschooling her. So, no, we do not follow any particular curriculum. We talk about this specific topic in this article.  It’s called kid-led education. There are people who follow online curriculums and it has worked out great for them. In our case unschooling has worked out the best.
Yes, peer pressure is an awful thing everyone has to go through when one takes a decision like this. We were told we’re destroying Aarohi’s future by homeschooling her. That puts one under a lot of undue pressure. The future is unknown and that’s true for us as much as it is for anyone. We just went ahead with what we felt was the best for our child. So should you. I can only assure you that it is what we feel is right for Aarohi. What you feel is right for your child has to come from you and only you. Just like everybody who’s advising you against it, we don’t have the right to advice you for it. You are the one who has to do the adequate research and find out if this is the lifestyle you want for your child. We can only promise you that we are available to help in any way possible if you do choose to go this way.